(Photo Credit: LIFE, 1990)Just a few weeks ago, we lost several of our most famous people -- Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Michael Jackson. I haven't posted anything about these events because I felt that it had all been said and it continues to be said.
Many people have stories of how Michael Jackson was an inspiration to them in some way or another which helped them to achieve their goals in life. This story is a little different and I am posting it because a friend of mine was personally and deeply affected by Michael's passing. My friend never knew Michael other than through his music, but he definitely impacted her life.
After much thought, my friend gave me permission to post her tribute to Michael Jackson anonymously in that it was cathartic for her and also may be able to help others as well. (this story is not autobiographical from me -- this truly was written by a friend of mine)
I want to thank her for sharing this with me at all because I know that it was something she had to do for herself and it is hard sharing. I want to send her some special HUGS too. She has grown into a wonderful woman.
Here ya go:
Legends and Heroes - My Tribute to Michael Jackson
Written by my friend
Will a star ever shine so bright? Will a voice ever soar so high?
Will a face ever be so recognizable all over the world again?
Will one man ever have such a huge impact on popular culture and the people who live it again?
Will we ever again feel that we are standing in the presence of supernatural greatness?
I do not have answers to these questions but what I do have is why Michael had such an impact on me.
I’ve spent days with ideas floating in my head and songs that beg to be written just to put my feelings to paper. It’s those feelings that make me unsure of how to put together this tribute.
If you lived in his lifetime you got to experience, something that I believe only happens once. We know the legacy that he has left behind for us in his music and of course, we can all think of times that it has been a huge influence. For me however it was more the man behind the music as well as the music that spawned my absolute love of a man by the name of Michael Jackson.
As a child, of course I had no idea that personally he was different from other adults. Nor did I notice the plastic surgery or the lighter skin. As children, we just accept some of the things that happen. I am going to tell you a story that is the only way I can think of doing it so here we go.
I was born musical; I was born with that driving desire to create. I was born with the desire to sing and play music. However, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and felt very misunderstood my whole life. I do not come from a musical family but music from a very young age became my escape, my happy place. The place I could go and forget the world around me and how cruel it was to me.
This tribute will never be published because the things I am about to tell you are very very personal. They are not things I would normally divulge but they have to be told in order to bring the reality of how Michael impacted my world to light.
I was adopted as a child into a family that was supposed to love me. The reality of the life I have lived is quite different. My first clear memory of Michael Jackson comes as a teeny tiny little girl. I grew up in a very physically, mentally and emotionally abusive home with very little love. I would hide in my room with my little radio and just listen to get away from it.
By the time, I was 6 years old the molestation started and my innocence and childhood gone. Music became my everything because it made me happy. I remember hearing this voice and it felt like magic had just ran down my spine.
I remember falling in love with that voice immediately before I even knew who it was. My first conscious memory of seeing Michael Jackson was when he sang “Man in the Mirror” on an awards show. I was 10 years old when I finally got to see who had been singing me to sleep at night and who had been making me feel so safe in such a scary world. Yes I really do mean that his voice made me feel safe.
Michael Jackson was the first person to ever make me feel safe and as if I belonged in this scary world, I had been born into. The song “Man in the mirror” would stick with me my whole life. Michael is who taught me to love what I saw in my mirror. Even though everyone around me made fun of me, my face, my weight, everything.
I’m Native American by birth but was raised in an Irish family. Was it jealousy that made them treat me so bad? I have no idea but I hated myself because of the way they treated me. I can remember as far back as I can think wishing I had been born with a normal American face instead of the one I have.
Music taught me a few things like “If you can dream it up then you can do it.” Also things like “The only barrier you have in life is how far you will let yourself dream” and finally “ You do have to make piece with the Man in the Mirror”.
I remember begging for the Bad album, which I got for my first communion. I fell more in love with his voice and was enthralled by his dancing ability. As I grew from Child to teen and started to notice boys, Michael was one I noticed because he was gorgeous. He had the most beautiful smile and the most joyous laugh I had ever heard. As I got older, I started to hear how people thought he was so strange. To me he was so normal at that time I didn’t realize just how different I was then most kids. I had scars inside that nobody could see or understand. I remember when my Mom finally found out my Dad had abused me she called me a liar. I was a damaged person who nobody understood. I related so well with Michael who I believe to this day is one of the most misunderstood people to ever live. He was gentle, with such a huge heart and a child like outlook on the world. Michael dared to dream big no one not even Michael had any idea how far his dreams would carry him.
In 1993 when he was accused of child molesting my heart was hurt. I remember looking into his eyes in the various pictures I had hidden in my room. (My Mom refused to let me keep pictures of him if she knew I had them so I hid them.) In my mind, thinking this is not true; in my heart, I believed he was innocent. Some would say oh it’s just hero worship; it wasn’t. That man was not capable of doing something so horrific to a child. As an abused child I believe I would have felt something if it was true. Same thing 10 years later when he was charged again.
You see I’m one of those people that have to get to know the person behind the music for the person they are. I can’t listen to an artist and not need to know who they are and what drives them to make the music they do. I have always felt connected to Michael he was in truth my hero, my safe place. But at the same time, he was amazingly talented and an absolute joy to listen to. You can hear his heart pouring out of his music and much like me; he comes alive when music comes into the equation. I’m also very shy and introspective and tend to be very reserved with the people around me.
Michael was a shy, quiet but yet hysterically funny and fun person to be around. He was a normal guy, which most don’t give him credit for. He loved women and had some amazing moves but he struggled to find his “place” in this world. The place where he felt like he fit in and could be himself. As Michael struggled to do this his heart truly was with the children of this world. As someone who didn’t have a childhood, he yearned to make others worlds better. People pointed their fingers and called him freak or weirdo because they could not understand the man he needed to be. To me he always made life make a little more sense. His music will live on in my heart for the rest of my life there is no doubt about that. I’ve thought long and hard about this and I hope I got across what I intended but for some reason I feel like I’m not done. However, I’m at a loss of words for how to end this.
I was devastated when I heard of Michael’s passing. Why? Well I hope this helped explain a little bit more on how Michael and his music has shaped me through my life and how he as the person has helped teach me what kind of person I wanted to become. His music nurtured a damaged spirit and helped heal my soul. His smile made me yearn for happiness and learn that the purest love given is given without strings. His chart breaking success made me admire as I dreamed bigger for my own self. His laugh made me happy and his ever-changing skin color taught me that change is not always bad. He also20taught me that the innocence of a child should be cherished as should that unconditional love of a child be cherished.
When I heard the song childhood in that song he sings, “Before you judge me try hard to love me” I can honestly sit back and say that I loved him with all my heart. With the innocence and intensity of childhood and with the admiration of an adult, my feelings have never changed. I don’t know why in my darkest hours God sent me Michael but I will be forever grateful for the time I have had with him on this earth even though I never knew him in person. It is how you let their music affect your life that is the greatest compliment to any artist.
Michael, I want to thank you for 25 years of music, love, memories and courage that you gave me. I want to thank you for helping me find my voice and discover my own passion for singing. All these things I share with my children. It’s with a very heavy heart that I try my best to accept why God had to take you so soon. You were in every aspect my safety net in life now I go on to beat my own path in life but your music will never be far from me.
